Under pressure

What do you do when your coping mechanisms get in the way of performing at work? I am having a stressful time these last two weeks at work because my productivity is not up to the expectations of management. I am in a tight spot right now. The pace I usually go and mental space I work out of to do my job w/o flashbacks interfering is the very thing that is preventing me from meeting the "go faster" expectations management is now pressing me for. In order to work like they want me to work, I will need to operate out of the brain space I have been using to store the anxiety and flashbacks of past abuse so they don't constantly interfere with my functioning. Management's pressure is anxiety producing, which is directly drawing from that brain space, and has me in constant flashback mode.

I fear my brain (or my adrenals) will fry from constantly accessing that flashback space while trying to use it to do my job too. I don't want to lose a secure income, but I don't want to be forever stuck in perpetual flashback.

I'm shopping for a therapist again, preferably one that is skilled w/EMDR to try and release some flashbacks so I can get some relief. It took inquiries of five different therapists to find one who even is accepting new patients.
One actually was listed as working with PTSD but upon an in person interview proved to be outright contemptuous of a dx on the dissociation spectrum as a legitimate diagnosis. Needless to say I did not pursue any further appointments with her, and told her that if she didn't believe in dissociation, there was no point in working with her. Careful out there when you're searching for help. If your T has contempt for the dx, she'll have contempt for you too. Be kind to yourself, leave those T's behind!